It has finally clicked.
All these trials, all these struggles.
They all click now.
I get it.
Our life has been far from easy the last 5 years. From job loss, no money, worrying about where our next meal would be. To broken relationships, family pulled apart. It's all been one hell of a journey. And, honestly, it's not over.
But......
I've learned.
I can honestly say I am not happy about HOW our journey has gone. But I can honestly say I am happy with WHAT the journey has taught me.
Our daughter is being taught the greatest attribute ever. Appreciation. Right now it's a little difficult for her. She now recognizes how other kids HAVE and she doesn't. Especially around this time of year. However, it's okay. She is learning something that, sadly, most kids have no clue about.
Yes, I would love to spoil her. I would love to give her everything she wants. But you know what, I'm happy about not being able to do so. I am teaching her that, you may not always get what you want. Later in life, this hard, unlikable lesson will benefit her. She won't throw a fit or get (too) angry when something doesn't go her way.
We always do get blessed by family and friends at Christmas. We have been humbled the last 2 years by being nominated for a giving tree at our church. That is a hard one sometimes. Accepting charity is always a humbling and even sometimes embarrassing. But like a wonderful friend told me...being blessed in that way allows us to be blessings and show God's love to others. It's true.
We are blessed this year. Our girl isn't asking for anything extravagant. Just a simple toy dog. She sees things in the stores and always says, "I want that." But when you truly ask her things she wants, it's always simple. I know I am doing something right when the requests are simple.
This year, I honestly would be fine if all our daughter got was her toy dog she's asking for....which is under the tree (SHHHHHH!).
Christmas is different this year. I don't care about presents. I don't care about the lights. I just care that our family is together, happy and healthy. It's cliche to say, but it's the truth.
When you go so long without being able to get what you WANT, you find yourself not wanting anymore. My sister in law, graciously took me Black Friday shopping. She asked me what do you guys want. I honestly didn't have an answer for her. Why? Because we don't seriously WANT anymore. She there are things I can come up with, but our mindset now is, what's practical? What could we want that we NEED? Your mindset changes when you don't have the ability to want and to some it sounds bad, but it's not. You don't find yourself envious...yes you do have irritated days thinking why can't things be different. But we know that this is the best life to live. And when we are someday blessed with surplus, we will live our life much different than most.
We don't need flash or fancy. We don't need toys bulging out of the toy box. All we need is to be content. You'd be surprised how little you need for that.
It all makes sense now. I lived a life always getting what I wanted when I was younger and now that I don't, I LOVE it. I'm not disappointed, I'm not angry and I am happy with the little. It takes not having to appreciate the small things in life.
It's a different Christmas this year. And that alone is a gift to me and the only one I honestly need.